Teddy Spud in questionable company: 2

Spud caught sight of Buster staring into the toilet bowl before the roaring water carried him down the pipe. He held his breath for as long as he could (which was not long at all, as he is a very small bear), and finally, breathed out his last breath. The pipe he was being carried along was horribly small and the water tasted terrible. He was about to give up when with a whoosh, he was blasted out into still water. With his remaining strength he kicked his stubby legs, pulled with his little arms, and forced his way to the surface. He paddled his legs, trying to keep afloat but teddies are not good swimmers when heavy with water. He had time for a quick breath before he went under again, but he had time to see that he was in an underwater cave, and the roof above his head was low and curving, with lights dotted along it. The water was terribly cold and his strength was sapping away. “Hattie!” he shouted, but his voice was not much more than a little squeak. “Hattie, help me. This is spud-”

He was going to shout more, but he sank too quickly and his mouth filled with water. For the last time, he kicked his way to the surface, and shook the water from his one and half ears. He prepared to shout again, when something grabbed him by the neck. Spud reached up with his paws to try and free himself. It felt like a metal hook was around his neck, cool and hard. He struggled to free himself and someone laughed.

“Wants to drown, does ye? Wants to go to Teddy Bear heaven, does ye? If ye keeps struggling like that, I’ll let you go, so help me, I will.”

A strong brown paw reached down and grabbed him by one arm, and he was hoisted high into the air before being dumped on something very hard, but wonderfully dry. He lay shivering, fighting back the tears and trying to be brave.

“Not another one, skip!”

“Cor blimey, why does they keep fallin in, I wants to know.”

And a small rather mean voice that seemed to belong to a female of some kind. “Throw im back, e be too small, e be.”

He wiped the water from his face, and sat up with some difficulty, still heavy with water. What he saw made his mouth fall open. “My word,” he said. “My word, this is amazing. Wait until I tell Hattie.”

“Wait until I tells Attie.” The small mean voice was mocking him and now he could see the owner. It was another teddy bear, even smaller than he, and she was dressed in an extraordinary way, with high boots that were too big, flopping over at the top, and a leather jerkin with no sleeves so that he could see a tattoo on each of her arms, and on her head was a red spotted bandanna. “You won’t see no Attie again, little bear. Not ever.” She cackled with laughter.

Spud turned around slowly. Four or five bears stood watching him, standing proud with paws on hips, and behind them billowed a white sail. The floor below rocked gently, and as he continued to turn, he came across his rescuer. It was a monkey with dangly arms as loose as old rope, one of which ended in a gleaming hook, and it stared at him with one good eye, like a pinprick of light. The other eye was hidden behind an eye patch and it was chewing on something. It took the banana skin out of its mouth and pouted thoughtfully. “Does ye,” it bega,. “Does ye know how to fight with a sword or a belaying pin, does ye?”

Spud shook his head.

“Then does ye know how to cook, how to clean the toilets and do the dusting? The Aardvark is very dusty, she is.”

Spud nodded reluctantly. “If I must work,” he began politely.

The hook whistled past his head and caught him around the neck and he found his face almost touching the monkey’s. “Ye will be the cabin boy of the Aardvark,” he said and his breath reeked of peanuts. “I be captain Rascal and these scurvy knaves, well, they be my crew. And you, you’re technically what we calls flotsam. Maybe we should call you that, what d’ye think, me hearties?”

“But my name’s Spud,” said spud and the cheering stopped as if it had been cut by a cutlass.

Rascal roared with laughter. “That be a good name for ye. There’s spuds need peeling, I’ll be bound. Now, we’ve a journey to make, and tums to fill, so get ye to the galley, spud.”

Spud raised his paw and Rascal lowered his brow. “What?”

“Where are we going? Only, I’ve got to be at home, waiting, when Hattie comes back from her sister’s .”

Rascal clapped him on the back. “We’ve got no time for sitting on beds waiting for old ladies to come home. We’re on an adventure.”

“What kind of adventure, if I can ask.”

Rascal tugged at his gold earring and took off his tricornered hat to scratch his hairy head. “If I might ask? Ye better start speaking proper, get us a bad name ye will.” He looked to left and right with his good eye, and leaned close. “Ye’ll not breathe a word of this, or I’ll open ye up like a kipper. The adventure we’re on is-” he leaned even closer. “Treasure,” he said, and spat.